My parents say he’s not good enough for me

Dear Pastor,

I am a Jamaican, but I am living in the United States of America. My parents brought me here when I was 12. I attended high school here.

When I was in Jamaica, I went to church, but that has not been the case since I came here. My parents were always busy, and on Sunday morning, they did not have the time to take us to church. That is one of the things I miss because as a child in Jamaica, they took us to church. My grandmother was living with us and she did not miss church at all, so we went with her.

I am an only child. I have been very fortunate. My parents travel a lot, so although I am still young, I have gone to many countries with my parents.

I have excelled in school and my parents are proud of me. I am having a problem with my father because I have fallen in love with a guy. My parents think that he is not good enough for me. He comes from a poor background. He does not speak well because English is not his native language.

I really love this guy and I do not believe that my parents should be choosing for me at this stage of my life.

I met this guy at university. He wanted to take me to meet with his parents in the country of his birth, but my parents told me that that is too big of a risk to take. When we discussed the matter, I decided that I would not go. But the love I have for this guy has not gone cold. My heart is torn apart.

My father told me that it is either I would leave this guy or they will disinherit me. I cannot afford to not have my parents, but neither can I afford not to have this man in my life.

What am I going to do? I hope you can help me.

G.W

Dear G.W.,

There must be something in this guy that you see, but your parents do not see. I am hoping that as time goes on, the eyes of your parents will be opened and they may accept this young man.

On the other hand, perhaps because you are so deeply involved, you cannot see what your parents are pointing out to you about him and why they are discouraging you from going further with him.

Parents are not always wrong, and some young women have wrecked their lives because they did not listen to their parents. A young man might be tall, dark and handsome and a girl may go crazy for him, but he is not a man of good character. He might be involved in drugs.

Good parents want good men for their daughters. On the other hand, there are times when parents should back off and allow their girls to choose the men that they think they love.

I was at a particular business place one day and a man told me that his heart was bleeding. He said he has one daughter and the very weekend we were talking, the girl had gone to the north coast with a man he hated so much. She had let him down. He was a middle class man and to him his middle class daughter had taken up trash. He would never accept that man as his son-in-law.

Some years ago, a young woman came to see me. She was the daughter of a very popular politician. At that time, the politician was a member of parliament and a minister of government. The young woman was in love with a young man who her father and mother didn't love at all. They didn't appreciate him. She said her mother called the guy a gorilla. This young lady kept the boy as her boyfriend but eventually gave him up to please her parents.

I say to you, don't push your parents to accept the young man. If the young man does well in academics, if he gets himself a good job, they may grow to love him. Be careful what you do. You do not want to lose your boyfriend, but neither do you want to lose your parents.

I wish you well.

Pastor