Sister-in-law doesn’t want me in her house

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I am attending university. I am originally from the country, but I am living with my brother and his wife.

They do not have any children and they have room in their house, so I occupy one of them. My brother is a very strict person, but he is loving and kind. Since I have been here, I found out that my sister-in-law doesn't like me. She did not want me to come and live at the house. I have to prepare everything for myself, which I don't mind. She would make breakfast on a Saturday while we are all at home and not give me any.

One day I heard my brother asking her why she did not put any breakfast on the table for me and she said that I could make my own breakfast. That Sunday I went to church and when I came home, my sister-in-law was cooking, but she did not offer me any dinner. My brother took me to buy chicken and chips for my dinner. He told me I should not let our parents know that that is how his wife was treating me. I have not done my sister-in-law anything wrong. My brother says that she is just jealous of me because she did not go on to college and I am studying there.

My brother bought me a stove so that I can prepare whatever I want and he told his wife in my presence that she should allow me to use the refrigerator. Every Saturday I wait until after my sister-in-law has done her washing before I wash. But most times, her clothes take up all the lines and I don't have anywhere to hang my clothes. My sister-in-law is older than my brother by 10 years. I can see that by being here, it is causing a problem between them. My brother fusses with her over me every day.

One day he told her that it would not be difficult for him to have another woman. My brother treats me very well, but I am so uncomfortable living with his wife. He said that she fooled him by telling him she was pregnant, so he married her. But that is a big mistake that he made because she was not pregnant at all. My brother is looking for a place where I can board because he wants me to feel very comfortable and to do well at university.

A.C.

Dear A.C.,

I wonder whether your brother had spoken to his wife about your coming to live with them and whether she had agreed.

Why is it that she does not like you or want you to be there? She is making it very difficult for you. Is your brother fully supporting you? Do you not get money from your parents? You are old enough to make your own breakfast, but on a Saturday when everybody is at home, what is so difficult for this lady to prepare breakfast for everybody? It must have felt embarrassing to you not to be called to the table to have breakfast with your brother and his wife. I wonder if this woman feels that you are costing the family extra money, and your being there is a financial burden, and not only your brother, but on yourself. If that is the problem, the three of you should have a meeting and come to an understanding about what it is costing to have you there, and how much your parents should contribute per week to maintain you there.

Boarding can be very expensive, nevertheless, you have to be living at a very comfortable place and your mind has to be at ease as you study. If your sister-in-law doesn't want you at her house, she should give reasons for not wanting you there. I am sure that your brother would do his best to make you comfortable at another place. It is quite evident that your sister-in-law is making life difficult for you.

Pastor