Boyfriend dressed like a clown to meet my grandma

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I have been reading your column since I was 12. I have been living with my grandmother since I was six.

My mother left me with my grandmother and went abroad. My grandmother used to buy and sell, and then she got a permanent place in the market. She used to take me there and let me sleep on a little cot while she carried on her work. She bought THE STAR every day, and the section that she would read first was Tell Me Pastor.

My parents did not get married, but they left Jamaica as a couple. Everything changed when they got to America. My father found another woman and my mother found another man. My father married his girlfriend and got his green card. My mother had to wait much longer because her boyfriend was married and the divorce took a long time to settle. My father always talks to me on the phone. He told me I am his only child, so, no matter what happens in his life, I am special to him. My grandmother said that my father can always come to Jamaica and stay with us because he is a decent man. Both my parents support me, but I can always rely on my father if I have special needs.

I have a boyfriend. We were best friends before we got into a relationship. He does not want me to talk to other guys. I told him he does not have to be afraid that I would go beyond talking. I told my grandmother about this guy and she told me to invite him to the house. When my grandmother saw him and started to talk to him, she told me to drop him because he does not have much ambition.

Pastor, I could not believe that he would come to my grandmother's house wearing his pants below his bottom. My grandmother said that wearing his pants that way and coming to our house shows that he does not have any respect for us. So she said I should not have him come back there. But I kept seeing him because I love him. One day, my grandmother heard me on the phone and she suspected that I was talking to him, and ,at the end of the conversation, she told me that if I would not listen to her, I can go. I asked my grandmother if she would not give him another chance and she said there was nothing good in this guy.

I am attending university and I have been trying to get this man to get some more subjects and to apply to the same university I am attending; but he hasn't done so. I am beginning to think my grandmother is correct. This guy is not ambitious and he will not make me proud of him if I continue to date him. These days, I have my eyes on another guy, but he is short and I like tall men. I am still a virgin.

P.R.

Dear P.R.,

I believe that your parents meant well when they left you with your grandmother and went to America.

I really believe that they intended to return to Jamaica, but their plans did not work out very well. Your grandmother did her very best. She worked hard and she took care of you. She did not live in luxury, so you must hail her as a very good grandmother.

When you told her that you have a boyfriend and she met with him, he did not impress her. She told you to end that relationship and she was quite correct. Good and ambitious men don't wear their pants below their bottoms. How did this fellow expect your grandmother to think highly of him if he did not even know that he should dress to impress her? You should have dropped that young man immediately.

On the other hand, I must congratulate you for not giving yourself away to him. You know what I mean because you say you are still a virgin. The man doesn't even want to go back to school. What are you going to do with such a man in today's world? You should not be in a hurry to find a man. You do not like short men. You have your criteria. You will eventually meet a man who truly loves you.

Pastor